Over the years, a number of amusing, embarrassing, inexplicable, and occasionally dangerous happenings have taken place during our tours. It has long been a ritual for the Lyal or jumper-ooter involved to commit their accounts of these to The File ... and now we thought we'd share a few with you:
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
THE GIRLS LOVE A GORGEOUS GHOST!
IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME
THE TORTURE OF BEING A TOUR GUIDE
SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH
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During one tour the Mad Monk ran into a bollard and broke his thumb. As he was rushed to casualty scenes reminiscent of "Carry On Doctor" followed. Nobody at the hospital would believe his story of why he was dressed in a habit.
On another tour, the Mad Monk (no doubt thinking he was the maddest monk on the planet!) ran along the Cowgate at top speed, leapt in the air, tore cartilage in his knee and had to have surgery.
Mad Monks have also fractured toes, broken thumbs and who knows what else they've done that's been too embarrassing to report?!
One evening the 'jumper-ooters' witch mask slipped down his face so that he couldn't see anything. He tripped up and crashed into the wall in Fishers Close. Like a real pro, he finished his tour before being taken to hospital….to have stitches in his head!
Picture the scene…it's a cold, wet winter evening and Adam Lyal has just finished explaining witchcraft - so his tour group decides it would be funny to accuse other people of witchcraft who were not on the tour. About 10 minutes later a woman at the top of the steps on Victoria Street slipped (she could have hurt herself) and the group bombarded her with cries of "witch, witch, burn her, burn her". Adam Lyal had obviously twisted their minds!
New Years Day, a fresh year with fresh scammers on the streets! Adam Lyal giving his all at the witches well (a memorial to all the 'witches' put to death). Whilst talking about witches, a woman who has nothing to do with the group, remarks "They are not evil, they are the healing women". Adam remarks 'Sorry?". The lady again replies "They are not evil, they are the healing women". Adam remarks "Thank you for your contribution madam, you are welcome to stay with us but it's 7 pounds per person and all these people have paid". She cleared off at that point.
Ladies of the night (as in women on the tours at night, not, you know…. em, anyway) frequently chat up Adam Lyal or his faithful 'jumper-ooter' assistant.
On one of Adam Lyal's tours a nice American girl (big brown eyes) held his hand all the way from Barries Close to the final stop. Adam was really embarrassed. She then asked Adam if he would like to go back to her hotel room. Ooh er missus! Adam went back to his girlfriends.
One of the Mad Monks worst tours was when a hen party grabbed him and tried to remove his mask and clothes. He was terrified. The hen party managed to lift him into the air and finally remove his mask. The unmasked 'jumper-ooter' legged it and never returned.
The Mad Monk decided to kick a door in an Old Town Close to give the assembled tour group more of a fright. Unfortunately his foot became wedged in the door and he fell over onto his face jumping out.
A' jumper-ooter' forgot his monk mask one night, so he jumped oot with a black bin-bag on his head with two holes for eyes - he came out and went woo.
The Mad Monk (again) one evening decided to light a lot of extra smoke bombs to create more of a spooky atmosphere in one of the Old Towns dimly lit closes. Unfortunately he also managed to set his habit on fire as well!
On Victoria Terrace (location of the Castle Arms pub) someone who lived in a flat above where Adam Lyal would stop to tell the tale of Mary Mackinnon, used to throw a dummy out of a window at the end of the story (this was not part of the tour). However one night the dummy went crashing into the back window of the Castle Arms pub. A group of middle aged men playing dominoes were rumoured to be somewhat shocked!
One evening whilst the skeleton of William Burke was performing a high-energy dance for a tour group, someone drew up in a car, unlocked the car boot and unleashed a large Alsatian dog on the skeleton. The tour group thought this was hilarious and presumably the hungry dog did as well as it chased the skeleton along the length of the Cowgate! Must have been the sight of all those bones! Yum yum.
Adam Lyal arrives in the Cowgate to tell the tale of Burke and Hare only to find that most of his group have gone AWOL. For some reason almost the entire group chose to follow an Australian woman into a pub on Victoria Street (next to Anderson's Close). The lady had needed to use the toilet (after being very frightened by a ghost at the previous stop) and so 30 people followed her (like sheep!) into the pub, thinking this was the next stop on the tour. Eventually they arrived back with Adam to continue with the tour.
One evening at the witches well (the site were 300 witches were executed), Adam Lyal asks for a volunteer. No one is willing to be tortured with thumbscrews that night so he has to torture himself - puts thumbscrews on himself and asks someone in the group to tighten them. Now that is torture!
Someone thought that Deacon Brodie was 2 people - Deek (short for Derek) and Brodie. Gettit?
On one occasion on a windy night, the board that conceals the skeleton blew down and revealed the skeleton having a quick ciggy!
Believe it or not some groups prefer a more sober approach to tale telling - heaven knows why?!
One such example was on a Ghost & Gore tour with Mr Clapperton and a jumper-ooter. The group wanted sober historical facts not excitement and pantomime humour. So Mr Clapperton gives them history and the 'jumper-ooter', as the witch, gives them entertainment (The particular 'jumper-ooter' had been on a roll that particular week and thought he was the 'God of jumping-oot'). So he gave them an extended witch (going on and on) and so Clapperton tells him to clear off, and the witch replies "NO" and continues to go on and on! The group are gradually losing interest and Clapperton says "I mean it, get lost!" The witch again replies "NO, I'm not going!". Then the witch tries to get the group involved with "Ooos" and "Ahhs" for 5 minutes. It was dire. Clapperton couldn't get rid of the 'jumper-ooter' - nightmare!